One of Those Days

Today has just been.... one of those days! Why is it that we have "those" days??? I hate it! I am not one of those people that wakes up in the morning and automatically a smile appears upon my face and I am filled with joy! I have to fight for joy and contentment so much in this stage of life that I am in. Joy and contentment is something I have struggled with for a long time, not necessarily during this stage of life of raising my beautiful son who I am so thankful for, yet having no time to focus on much of anything else (except blogging of course ;) ).

I am so blessed, yet sometimes I am SO discontent.

Ya know, it helps me to look to God's word and know that I am not alone. I am not the only one who IS and who HAS struggled with contentment and joy. Paul states in Philippians 4:11, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."

Paul doesn't say that it just came "naturally" for him to be content. He doesn't say it is "easy" for him to be content. He says for I have "learned" to be content. I don't know about you but pretty much everything I have ever learned in life has not been an easy lesson to learn! It's been HARD. It was hard for me to make good grades in school, sometimes it's hard for me to love my husband the way I'm supposed to, it's hard for me to show true love to people I am around on a daily basis much less people I don't even know...

My point is: Contentment is something we learn, something we achieve, something we work towards!

The last part of Philippians 4:11 speaks so loudly to me! It not only that Paul "learns" to be content but it says he has learned to be content in WHATEVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

WOW! What an achievement! It encourages me to know that even though I am not there yet, it's "possible" for me to get there... in this life! I long to have Paul's contentment. I can't say that if I were sitting in a prison right now for standing up for Christ that I would be content. I can probably guarantee you that I would be discontent. I would miss my family, friends, church, clean clothes and my bathroom. But Paul had learned to be content in whatever circumstances he was in. I don't want my circumstance to determine my contentment and joy. I want to have that joy no matter what circumstance I may be in!

I have a neighbor right now who just found about a month ago that she has Stage 4 Lung Cancer. She is probably one of the sweetest ladies I have ever known! She used to work for my mom a long time ago when my mom owned her own daycare in our basement. I have know this woman for a long time even though she has just recently entered my life again. I went over to talk with her a couple weeks ago to see how she was doing and how she was feeling. I wanted to see if there was ANYTHING I could do for her or her family. She is married and has 2 beautiful young children. She lost her 1st husband years ago to cancer. But she said something to me that day, that made me look up to this woman even more than I already did. She said, "Ya know, this may not even be about me. This may have to do with someone else. As long as God gets the glory for it, that is all that matters." I wanted to come home and cry when she told me this because it touched me so much. She was the perfect example of contentment in my life that day even though she was lying on her couch feeling much fatigue and with a rash on her face and chest from the treatment. I came home feeling conviction in my own heart because there have been countless times I have prayed, "God, use me! Use me in whatever way you need to.... but just please don't give me cancer or some horrible disease." I felt conviction after hearing Tessa's heart tell me that God would get the glory and she even said it with a smile on her face. She blessed my heart that day. She taught me something that day. Although I am not perfect and know I will fall short and still struggle with contentment often... I am encouraged by Paul and by Tessa's words and her heart for the Lord. I long to have this same mind set. I want to be able to say, "God, use me! Use me in whatever way you need to. Period. "

Thank you God for the example of Paul and the sacrifices he made for YOU. Thank you that I can relate to him as I know he wasn't always content. However, he learned contentment and I know that I can too! Thank you for being right there with me through "those" days and thank you for loving me unconditionally no matter how happy, unhappy, content or discontent I am. I pray that you would allow me to learn who you truly are and allow me to learn your ways. I long for my life to glorify you. -Amen.