Motherhood

There are so many of my friends who have either just become new moms, planning to become a mom in the future or are pregnant right now so I thought I would share some things I have learned so far being a mom myself for 9 and a 1/2 months! First of all, let me say I am NO expert and if you know me or are friends with me.... you know this. I am asking other moms questions all the time and I am on the phone with my own mom (or mother in law) often talking things out and trying to make the best decisions for my son. It's not easy being a mom! However, that is the beauty in it.... so, here is a list of things I have learned so far as a Mom. Hope it can encourage some other new moms or moms to be out there.

#1: Sorry, No handbook!

One of the beauties of motherhood (to me) is learning as you go! I will never forget Jeff and I bringing Beckett home from the hospital and sitting down on the couch while my mom took pictures of us all! It was a special moment and while my mom stayed and helped out for a few weeks.... eventually it was Jeff and I doing it on our own. I will never forget how overwhelmed I felt after a month of having him home! It's not that you don't enjoy it, but you are so exhausted trying to do everything AND learn everything... it just becomes chaos. I don't think anyone can fully prepare you for what motherhood is going to be like the 1st time! So, I think it kind of hits you in the face those first few months and you start to understand why your mom used to always tell you to "wait to have kids"! However, this chaos eventually becomes less like chaos and more like... YOUR LIFE! :) And believe it or not, you will learn to love the chaos! Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but it is also the GREATEST thing I have ever done in my life and it's so hard to even explain! You think you love them with your WHOLE heart but then they continue to grow and the more they grow, the more room you have in your heart for more love and your love just keeps growing for them! It's such a blessing! So, be encouraged.... be content in not having all the answers and learning as you go! That's the way it's supposed to be! :) And also be encouraged in knowing that God is pleased with you! Being a parent is one of the most selfless acts there is! I mean, you have to give up so much... but God honors that! He is proud that you are giving up the things YOU want for your sweet baby! Isn't that what Christ did when he walked the earth! He was a servant to everyone and he made himself nothing so that he could be everything to us! So, see taking care of your baby as an act of worship to God! And trust in Him to guide you in caring for him/her! God knows what you need before you even ask him! ;)

#2: Don't stress over scheduling!

I am not saying scheduling is not a good thing! I do believe it can be! However, my advice to any new mother would be to let your sweet baby make his own schedule! When they are older, making a schedule is sometimes necessary but I do not believe that it is right now! Just let them guide you and just listen for their cues. Putting them on a schedule too soon can overwhelm your precious baby, as well as put more stress on you! I tried putting Beckett on a schedule too soon and became so overwhelmed myself in doing it! God is teaching me so much through Beckett and one of those things is being flexible! Your baby is going to go through so many changes during their 1st year of life and that means having different schedules all the time! As soon as I felt like Beckett would get on a good schedule, he would change that schedule on me the next day! It's so important (in my opinion) to just let them guide the way! Sometimes they need more sleep than other times, sometimes they need to eat more than other times, sometimes they need more stimulation than other times...etc. It's just a continuous cycle and so, just relax and let your precious baby make their own schedule. It just takes one less thing off your shoulders if you just let them do it... because they will do it naturally!

#3: Take Time Away!

I encourage every new mom (actually all moms with young children) to take time away for YOU! Sometimes new moms become so overwhelmed with motherhood, they lose their own identity and their identity literally becomes their baby! I mean, don't get my wrong... I spend most days with my sweet Beckett and that little boy is my life! But, I still try to take some time away and sometimes my husband has to force me out of the house! I think it's just our nurturing spirit to feel that we need to be with our babies all the time.... but we don't. They will survive without us for a few hours here and there! It's so important to rest and rejuvenate your mind, meditate, refocus, exercise, read, find a hobby...just do something for YOU that doesn't involve your baby or your spouse. It will do wonders for your mind and your mood!

#4: Date Night is a Must!

If you are married, it is so important to still be able to spend time with your husband! I mean, if it weren't for your husband, you wouldn't even have that sweet precious baby so don't forget about him! He has needs just like your baby does, even though they are just a bit different ;). Take time to go out (kid-less) and do something you both enjoy! If you are looking for ideas, go to www.thedatingdivas.com. This site is pretty cool with LOTS of ideas to make your husband feel special! :) But, do date night! Find a sitter, a family member or friend who can watch your baby for the evening while you go out! I have been thankful to have in-laws watch Beckett so Jeff and I can have date night once a week! Even if it's twice a month or even once a month is better than no date night! The point is to still make time for your husband! Biblically, your marriage comes before your baby but so often, we put our sweet babies before our marriage! And don't get me wrong, sometimes we have to! I know I do! Sometimes it's necessary and a "must" to put our babies 1st! They have different and more demanding needs than our husbands, so I understand! All I am saying is to NOT forget about your husband. Remember all the things you used to do for him.... and try to still do those things from time to time. I am guilty of this myself! But, just try to make time for him! He needs your time, your attention, your affection...etc.

#5: It's OK to ask for help!

I told my husband during Beckett's 1st 3 months that sleep was the GREATEST gift he could give me... and it was SO true! During those few months, I would have done anything just for a good nights sleep! It's ok to ask for help so you can get some rest! It's ok to ask for help even with night feedings! Sometimes moms can feel overwhelmed with doing it "all" and when mom is overwhelmed.... baby feels the tension too! Sometimes I have to just tell me husband, "Honey, I need a minute." or "Babe, I need some time." and he will take care of Beckett for me so I can have a little time. However, I understand not everyone is married or has a husband who will be willing to help out...  So, don't be afraid to ask from a family member or a friend! Don't hesitate to ask for help in whatever area you may need it in when it comes to parenthood! Asking for help doesn't make you a bad mother! It makes you a better one!

#6: Take Naps!

Even if you don't want to take a nap, take a nap! Period.

#7: You are a Good Mommy!

Don't let others make you feel you are not a good mother just because you don't do things the same as them! As long as you are allowing the Lord to guide your decisions with your sweet baby, you are doing just fine! And every mom messes up! You don't have to be mother of the year! Your little one is going to love you no matter what! :) So, believe that you are a good mom and don't compare yourself with other moms! God made you the way he wants you to be and he made your baby the he wanted your baby and he put you both together! God knows what he is doing! So, tell yourself daily what a good mom you are and find people to surround yourself with who are going to tell you the same thing!

#8: Leave the dishes!

Ya know, I am one of those woman who really does like to have a clean house and when things are out of order, I get a little stressed out! BUT... I have really had to learn to just relax with it! It's not worth stressing over! It's not like you don't have enough to stress over anyway so why let the dishes or the laundry stress you out even more??? I mean, it sounds silly when I type it that I would even let something as little as dirty dishes put stress on me! lol. So, leave the dishes, leave the laundry, leave the dirty bathrooms! I'm not saying leave them forever... just leave them until you are ready or more rested. And it's also ok to ask for help in this area. It's not easy juggling your baby and all his needs, your marriage, work, keeping a house clean and all the other demands you may have in your life so if I was going to mark anything off that list to relieve stress from my life... it would def. be cleaning! :) I would actually happily mark that duty off my list any day! ;)

#9: Get some fresh air!

Honest! Literally, get some fresh air! Go outside! I will never forget my Dad coming to the hospital and telling me to walk outside with him to get some fresh air! It was beginning of November but that day it was warm and absolutely beautiful outside! It was the 1st time I had stepped outdoors in a week and I must say, it really did put life into my step that day! And when I came home, my dad would come over and ask me on a weekly basis, "Have you been outside today?" So, get some fresh air, take a walk, go outside and just sit... whatever you want to do... just do it outside! :) It really does put a little pep in your step! ;)

#10: Just Love your baby!

When it comes down to it, all babies really need from their mommies is lots and lots of LOVE! So, love your baby! You already do it by taking care of him/her! But have those moments where you just sit with your little one and praise God for him/her! Pray for your baby and ask God to protect him and guide you in caring for him! Sometimes I literally will just stare at Beckett in awe! I know it sounds silly but I am so thankful for that little guy and he brings so much joy into my life... way more joy than hardship! Beckett is getting to a stage now where I can't really just sit and hold him anymore... but I so enjoy watching him grow and every stage he has been through so far has been a joy! I love loving him! And being a mommy is the sweetest and greatest blessing I have ever gotten in my life! Nothing really compares to it!